I Struggle

I struggle, because sometimes, willpower is not enough. Determination is not enough, neither is persistence, or even promises of a better life. When you kick your ass consistently, eat right, remain mentally in tune with your goals, and then get bashed in the face with a brick of weight-loss reality, it brings you teetering to an edge. I've gone through this more times than I care to think about, probably because I hold my goals up to such a high level. I see other people do this as well, and it is scary to see them struggle to maintain any sort of consistency with such weighted shoulders. I once heard that trying to subdue an eating disorder is like trying to quit Heroin, except much worse, as you need to have at least some food every day, whereas with drugs, they are not necessary. In a lot of ways I believe this is factual, most of us use food to escape something, and becoming disappointed in ourselves because of ill-fated goals creates a near-inescapable snowball process. The snowball is manageable to a certain point, but as it grows larger it becomes harder and harder to control. Sometimes, when you feel as if your doing everything right but not seeing results, it is either because your body is readjusting and becoming a more efficient machine, or your diluting the facts of your own accomplishments/failures. I struggle to be aware of this, to constantly ask myself whether or not I'm being honest of my accomplishments. I struggle to avoid excuses, to motivate myself, to abstain from delicious, succulent past-times that I once so temporarily enjoyed. I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else. There are two things that I know are fact:

1. Numbers don't lie
2. When buying toilet paper, you get what you pay for

Point is, if you write down every single thing that you do, monitor (closely) what you eat, and remain in a reasonable-for-your-body deficit every single day, the numbers won't lie... but there are particular X factors that occur within your body that you will NEVER understand as well as your body does, and that is why expectations do not always see consistency or even time-allotted accomplishments. I struggle to remember this whenever all seems lost and in vain.


But I will not give up. I will adapt. I will allow my body to change, find a niche, and stay there as long as my body wants to stay, and when it is ready to change once again, I will struggle to remember exactly how I feel right now, ready to change with it.