10 Day Before/After and day 42 of Missouri 60.

August 5th Front

August 5th Side

July 26th Front

July 26th Side



Thar they are. It is officially day number 42 of the Missouri 60 challenge, which means I have 18 days to kick some ass. Again this round, I do not see an epic slew of changes, but I have reached my fateful plateau, the 190-195 range. I have been to this weight after TRYING to get in shape only once before, and once I hit 190 about 3 years ago... my body just said "fuck you" and completely stopped. I have been very close to this number for about two weeks now, as of this morning I weighed in at 191 pounds. The hardest part of all this is of course having my injuries, which prohibit me from doing if and any strenuous exercise, so I doubt this plateau will be broken anytime soon-ish. I hope to be at full speed by next Monday, so hopefully I can break out of it in a week or two.

The weird thing is that since I have not been doing as much exercise this week, my appetite has actually spiked, tenfold. It is epic strange, no doubt, but I have resisted pretty causally and no major errors have been made. Also, I think this weekend will be a little more chill, and hopefully that cushion will help me start on the right foot come Monday.

So fun fact: I have nearly the exact same body measurements of Michel Phelps... wingspan, torso, inner leg, feet, height, and even hand length. He of course produces a third less lactic acid as a professional athlete, has double jointed everything's, and pumps blood like a locomotive on steroids and crack, but hey. At most, my measurements differ from his by about half an inch... that being the inner leg area. I'm sure if I had more precise measuring methods I could come closer to discovering the actuality behind my claims, but just looking in the mirror I can see distinct features of myself that mirror on him in a much leaner, athletic, attractive way. When I was younger I was an elite swimmer, so maybe it is time to start that back up or something... who knows what could happen. I'm stronger than I've ever been before, and close to being as lean as I was back in high school. It's something to look forward to, I guess. And god, if I trained like him... I could eat ANYTHING. If that isn't motivation, I don't know what is.



Also, budweiser came out with a 55 calorie beer? OMG thank you Belgium.

Irritated, upset, etc.

I've been feeling really bummed out lately. Sunday was horrible, I felt like shit all day, and for some reason the entire day seemed to pass by like I was not really a part of it. Like an out of body experience. It left me feeling very disillusioned and distanced from everyone and everything, I don't really know how to explain it. And my rib, oh god, it hurts so bad right now, if I try to lift anything heavy I get a sharp pain up and down my right side, and this has been causing me a great deal of anxiety. I think I will have to go the doctor again and get an x-ray, because something is not right. Then, my finger, which has swollen up badly and makes it nearly impossible to grip anything... has completely put me out of commission. I can't run because of my rib, and I can't lift because of my finger and my rib. The only thing I can do is stick to my eating and hope that somehow, I will still be able to see some progress. All of these things have left me feeling pretty hopeless and it is extremely upsetting. I wish I was more social, better at expressing my emotions, or generally just more connected to people. I spend a majority of my time alone and I think with all these recent developments, it is really starting to mess with my mentality. I am not a religious person, nor do I place much faith in anything or anyone besides myself, but I honestly can not explain why these things that are happening to me, it almost seem premeditated. Like someone or something is actually trying to make me fail or give up, all I can think about right now is how much the world and my place in it sucks. I'm hurt physically to the point I can't do what I want to do for myself right now, and there is really nobody I want to talk about it with, because I hate being a burden. I need something, some kind of relief, I just don't know what.