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I'm a little bummed out today, and I have no idea why. Work was all right, nothing too special or exciting, and then I came home and slept. I got a call at around 7, my dad went to the emergency room because he was having chest pains, so I was there for about two hours, but everything seems to be all right now, though they are keeping him overnight. I dunno... I guess lately I have just had no motivation and I can't figure out why. I feel like my progress has been great but reaching my target weight seems like such an ordeal at times, and I ask myself... can I keep this up forever? One thing that really gets to me is cardio... I just can't ever seem to stay in the frame of mind that forces me to get out there and do it. It does not help that I just hate every second of it, and it really does not seem to be helping a whole lot. I mean, don't get me wrong... I've lost over 40 pounds and all, but how much credit can I give to jogging every once in awhile? And here I am, trying so desperately to get below 190 at least, and I'm on the verge of saying screw running and just continue my normal workout with Mike n' stuff. Plus, my rib is like epic sore, so working out just causes me more and more pain. And I didn't get to lift tonight because I was at the hospital... blah blah blah blah. I'm aggravated, and I feel a little distanced from my perspectives right now. These moods seem to come in waves, sometimes it is just so hard to stay focused because it requires an intense amount of mental energy. I would truly like to see some more distinct results... even though it has barely been two months, I can't shake the feeling that for the amount of effort I put into everything, my reward is bittersweet and not exactly what I expected. Three years ago, it was the reason I just said "fuck it" and went off my diet, stopped running, and gained all the weight back. I know that it is not going to happen this time because I actually enjoy lifting and eating healthy, because it makes me feel better about myself and also, my energy level is great. But like, I feel like I can't really enjoy the little things anymore, and it is disheartening. I'm in a really sour mood right now and I just feel like bitching about this endlessly, so I'll cut it off here in hopes of sparing the few of you. I'll see how my progress is at the end of the week, and hopefully some good news will reinforce my reslove. Hopefully. Anyways, have a good one, and keep making good choices.